Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Den of Steves

Presenting...the 2016 Golden Steve Awards.

Far and away the most coveted of motion picture accolades, Golden Steves are frequently described as the Oscars without the politics. Impervious to bribery, immune to ballyhoo, unswayed by sentiment and riddled with integrity, this committee of one might legitimately be termed "fair-mindedness incarnate." Over 160 of the year's most acclaimed features were screened prior to the compilation of this ballot. First, some caveats:

1) Owing to a lifelong suspicion of prime numbers, each category comprises six nominees, not five.

2) A film can be nominated in only one of the following categories: Best Animated Feature, Best Non-Fiction Film, Best Foreign Language Film. Placement is determined by the Board of Governors. Said film remains eligible in all other fields.

3) This list is in no way connected with the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences—a fact that should be apparent from its acumen. Please look elsewhere for Oscar analysis.

And now, the worthy honorees:

Best Picture
American Honey
Manchester by the Sea
Toni Erdmann

Best Director
Maren Ade, Toni Erdmann
Andrea Arnold, American Honey
Jim Jarmusch, Paterson
Barry Jenkins, Moonlight
Kenneth Lonergan, Manchester by the Sea
Martin Scorsese, Silence

Best Actor
Casey Affleck, Manchester by the Sea
Cliff Curtis, The Dark Horse
Dave Johns, I, Daniel Blake
Vincent Lindon, The Measure of a Man
Peter Simonischek, Toni Erdmann
Denzel Washington, Fences

Best Actress
Annette Bening, 20th Century Women
Sonia Braga, Aquarius
Krisha Fairchild, Krisha
Rebecca Hall, Christine
Sandra Huller, Toni Erdmann
Isabelle Huppert, Elle

Best Supporting Actor
Mahershala Ali, Moonlight
Gabriel Byrne, Louder Than Bombs
Ralph Fiennes, A Bigger Splash
Lucas Hedges, Manchester by the Sea
Tracy Letts, Indignation
Craig Robinson, Morris from America

Best Supporting Actress
Viola Davis, Fences
Greta Gerwig, 20th Century Women
Lily Gladstone, Certain Women
Naomie Harris, Moonlight
Molly Shannon, Other People
Hayley Squires, I, Daniel Blake

Best Screenplay--Adapted
Elle (David Birke)
Fences (August Wilson)
The Handmaiden (Chung Seo-kyung, Park Chan-wook)
Indignation (James Schamus)
Love & Friendship (Whit Stillman)
Moonlight (Barry Jenkins, Tarell Alvin McCraney)

Best Screenplay--Original
Hell or High Water (Taylor Sheridan)
The Lobster (Efthymis Filippou, Yorgos Lanthimos)
Louder Than Bombs (Joachim Trier, Eskil Vogt)
Manchester by the Sea (Kenneth Lonergan)
Paterson (Jim Jarmusch)
Toni Erdmann (Maren Ade)

Best Animated Feature
April and the Extraordinary World (Christian Desmares, Franck Ekinci)
Kubo and the Two Strings (Travis Knight)
Moana (Ron Clements, John Musker)
My Life as a Zucchini (Claude Barras)
The Red Turtle (Michael Dudok de Wit)
Zootopia (Byron Howard, Rich Moore)

Best Non-Fiction Film
I Am Not Your Negro (Raoul Peck)
Nuts! (Penny Lane)
O.J.: Made in America (Ezra Edelman)
The Other Side (Roberto Minervini)
Peter and the Farm (Tony Stone)
Tower (Keith Maitland)

Best Foreign Language Film
Aquarius (Kleber Mendonca Filho)
Cemetery of Splendor (Apichatpong Weerasethakul)
Elle (Paul Verhoeven)
The Handmaiden (Park Chan-wook)
Right Now, Wrong Then (Hong Sang-soo)
Toni Erdmann (Maren Ade)

Best Original Song
(Justin Hurwitz, Benj Pasek, Justin Paul)
"City of Stars," La La Land
(Justin Hurwitz, Benj Pasek, Justin Paul)
"How Far I'll Go," Moana
(Lin-Manuel Miranda)
"The Rules Don't Apply," Rules Don't Apply
(Eddie Arkin, Lorraine Feather)
"Shiny," Moana
(Mark Mancina, Lin-Manuel Miranda)
"You're Welcome," Moana
(Lin-Manuel Miranda)

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